Top 7 Mistakes New Parents Make When Transitioning Back to Big Law After Parental Leave (And What to Do Instead)
Returning to Big Law or any fast-paced career after having a baby is one of life’s biggest transitions. I know because I lived it, and I made my fair share of mistakes.
When I had my first baby, I was a senior associate on the partnership track at a big law firm. I had a healthy baby, a supportive spouse, and generous leave. On paper, everything looked great. But inside, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. I questioned my career path, my competence, and my identity. And, ironically, the toolset that led to my success in Big Law ended up hurting me—my single-minded focus on dotting every “i” and crossing every “t” made it impossible for me to find a healthy balance between often-competing considerations.
Now, as an executive coach and a mother of two, I’ve worked with countless high-achieving working parents navigating this same transition. I’ve also interviewed working parents across industries—from law firm partners to corporate executives—to understand what works and what doesn’t.
Here are the seven most common mistakes new parents make and what to do about them.
1. Assuming It’ll Be Business as Usual
Mistake: Expecting a smooth return and wanting to throw it all away when it gets bumpy.
Reality: It’s normal for things to feel off when you first get back to work.
Returning to work isn’t just a schedule shift—it’s an identity shift. Expecting to “bounce back” sets you up for frustration.
Try this instead:
Normalize your discomfort—everyone feels some version of being lost, scared, or unsure.
Reframe the way you think about discomfort. Discomfort is a sign that you’re doing something new, not wrong. With that mindset, anything is possible.
Confide in someone you trust. Feeling seen makes a huge difference.
2. Measuring Success by Old Standards
Mistake: Trying to prove you’re “still the same lawyer.”
Reality: You’ve changed—and that’s a strength.
Striving to match your old metrics (high billables, constant availability, perfect work product) may ultimately burn you out.
Try this instead:
Redefine success for this season of life. It might mean having a slower start with billable hours.
Focus on what got done instead of what didn’t.
Remember that this new chapter isn’t forever. Your ambition is still there, it just looks different right now.
3. Chasing Perfect Balance
Mistake: Believing you must excel at work and at home every day.
Reality: Balance isn’t a daily achievement—it’s a long game.
The pressure to be an all-star lawyer and an all-in parent, at the same time, creates guilt and exhaustion.
Try this instead:
Embrace trade-offs. Some days work wins, other days family does.
Let go of perfection. Flexibility and pivoting are your new superpowers.
4. Working Harder to Make Up for Lost Time
Mistake: Responding to being overwhelmed by pushing harder and longer.
Reality: More hours won’t solve this. Smarter work will.
Your time and energy are now split between work and family. That doesn’t mean you can’t excel at both—but it does mean you need to shift your approach.
Try this instead:
Ruthlessly prioritize. Ask, “What’s the one thing I should focus on now?”
Set boundaries and maintain them with confidence and kindness.
Delegate at work and at home.
Be patient. Progress takes time.
5. Letting Your Inner Critic Take the Wheel
Mistake: Believing the voice that says you’re falling behind and not contributing enough at work.
Reality: That voice isn’t telling the truth.
Comparison (to your pre-baby self or others) breeds self-doubt and guilt.
Try this instead:
Stop comparing. Your path is your own.
Anchor to your “why”—why does this career and your family matter to you?
Reconnect with your strengths. They’re still there.
Get real feedback. You’re doing better than you think.
6. Going It Alone
Mistake: Thinking you have to do this all yourself.
Reality: You’re stronger with support.
Asking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength.
Try this instead:
Build your village: seek out mentors, coaches, caregivers, and peers.
Be honest about your needs. Most people want to help—they just need to know how.
Accept help when it’s offered. Realize everyone needs help from time to time.
7. Putting Yourself Last
Mistake: Waiting for things to calm down before taking care of yourself.
Reality: That day may never come—so start now.
Rest and joy aren’t luxuries—they’re necessities. The surest way to boost productivity, happiness, and everything you ever want in life is through prioritizing self-care.
Try this instead:
Identify your non-negotiables (sleep, movement, connection, time alone).
Start small. Even 10 minutes a day makes a difference.
Schedule self-care like a meeting with a client. And keep it.
Ask yourself daily: What do I need today? Then honor it.
This transition is tough, but it’s also an opportunity. You don’t have to choose between being a great lawyer and a great parent. You just need a new toolset and the right support to walk with you.
Please reach out to me if you need professional assistance with this matter. Drop me a note through the Contact page if you have any questions.
